When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
