I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
