I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
