we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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