I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
