oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
