So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
