Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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