She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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