On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
