You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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