If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
