I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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