in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
