I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
