Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
