Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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