New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
