is your mom at the bar?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
