I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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