I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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