Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
