I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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