What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
