Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
