where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
