Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
