sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
