A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
