Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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