Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
