i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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