3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
