We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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