New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
