i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
