mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
