There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
