i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
