Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
