At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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