You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
