I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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