Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
