Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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