im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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