There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
