Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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