I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
