A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
