I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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