Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize