honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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