this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
