It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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