So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
