this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
