Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
