I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
