I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
