How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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