Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
