Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
