That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm at about main and main street
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
