and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
