So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
