Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
