Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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