she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My balls are so social today.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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