he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize