Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
