There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
