It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
barbara walters just said penis...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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