I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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