So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
