yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sext me about skeletons
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
