Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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