Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
