there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
