my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
