I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
